Posts tagged sexism
Posts tagged sexism
Sometimes I clean out my “other” folder on Facebook and find lovely little gems. The best part about this one? I’m not allowed to respond to it, and I can’t click on his profile, which leads me to the conclusion that he sent me this and immediately blocked me so I couldn’t find him. I sincerely hope the irony is not lost on him. Mucho amor to him for concluding that feminism is arrogant and feminists play victim while at the same time declaring that he knows what real equality is, complaining about his own victimization, then making it impossible to engage in discussion. Bravo, Chris Natale. Bravo.
Extra kudos for remembering to call me a cunt at the end.
Here’s the thing: Women not wanting to be around men is not misandry. If there’s any hint of seriousness in the statement, it’s typically supported by instances — isolated or lifelong — where men have hurt, violated, humiliated her and/or otherwise made her uncomfortable. Not because “boys r dum” or because they play video games or behave in some way that’s annoying.
This is what makes the reverse, “If I said I didn’t want to be around women, I’d be a sexist!” inherently ludicrous. Because if a man said a woman violated him or humiliated him in a way that made him feel stripped of his humanity, the general feminist population will — or at least should — be sympathetic. Trauma can be incredibly difficult to deal with, and everyone’s needs should be respected while they are recovering. The problem with the reverse is that the men who spout off about this aren’t implying that they should avoid women to avoid feeling triggered or otherwise pained. It’s because they don’t want women in their spaces because they are not on par with their standards, they are a nuisance and they do not feel they owe them that basic respect of allowing them to exist among them.
Sorry, being rejected by someone you were “in love with” or thinking women don’t understand you is not trauma. It is not sufficient enough reason to eschew womanhood and suggest that women sit behind some boundary when they are around you. And if you consider any of that trifling nonsense to be trauma, well — whose got the victim complex now?
Male opinions on how women should comport and present themselves are literally the last thing I care about. Even less than dog shit and roaches. I’d sooner campaign to save the subway rats before giving half a damn of what a man thinks of me. Fuck you, I don’t exist to please you. And at least rats can be cuddly.
The thing I don’t like about equalism and egalitarian views is that it all smacks of trying to make equality comforting for privileged people. It tries to make privilege and oppression dirty words when they’re not. Since humans developed structured society, it’s always been about achieving power. If a group of people can believe that politicians are corrupt, why does it not make sense that as a result, these corrupt views make their way through the hierarchy? And why exactly is that a bad thing to recognize? Y’know, I’m just so sick of having my voice as a woman of color silenced when I’m speaking to my experiences. If I wanted to be interrupted, derailed and hushed for expressing myself, I could just walk outside and try to start a ~serious~ discussion with someone (ANYONE. Not just men or white people because discrimination, unfortunately, does not discriminate. Internalizing toxic views is a thing). I don’t know. I don’t want to hate on anyone unnecessarily, but every conversation I’ve tried to have with an egalitarian/equalist/humanist just makes me feel like I’m giving a speech and someone in the back starts screaming wildly every time I open my mouth. And I’m not talking about getting angry or passionate. Their views and feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s, but it’s things like “But X-group-of-people have that happen to them, too!” Thanks. I know. I’m so so so tired of people from nearly every opposing group acting like being critical of ideas and values, and examining them from a specific viewpoint is harmful. What’s harmful is pretending everyone is the same when we exist within a system contingent on power and advancement.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I never got to meet my abuelito because he died when I was only a few months old. I realize now his death had a lot to do with patriarchy.
My abuelito was diagnosed with colon cancer somewhere around 24 years ago. He refused to go to the doctor because his fellow farmers and field workers told him it would be weak of him to seek treatment. My abuelita was a fearsome feminist, starting fist fights with men who were harassing women on the street, encouraging housewives to work when they came to her bereaved by how poor they were — the whole nine. It was SHE who begged him to seek medical treatment. It was SHE who tried to negotiate and placate him, but he remained haunted with the idea that if he stopped working to seek treatment, he would be a failed husband, father and man.
I never met him. When my mom went to Mexico as he was dying, he knew me only through photographs. He spent his last days distraught that he would never watch me grow up. All because his compatriots attacked his masculinity.
That’s patriarchy, my friends. That is not women hating men. That is not female privilege. That is most assuredly NOT feminism. It is a collective of men dictating arbitrary standards of behavior for all sexes that insist all eschew traditionally feminine behavior in order to be viewed as worthy of a phony prize.
So don’t you DARE tell me patriarchy doesn’t exist. Don’t send me ignorant messages calling me stupid and jokingly saying that I could always blame patriarchy like it’s some delusion. Don’t you EVER look me in the face and tell me patriarchy isn’t part of the reason my abuelito suffered a horrible death, unable to move and without pain killers as the unforgivably painful disease known as cancer sucked the life out of him just so his male comrades could think he died a proud man.
If you really care about men, stand up with me a smash this ludicrous institution.
“I’m so sick of whiny feminists! You’re only victims because you WANT to be!”
I will rip your eyes out of your fucking sockets. (⊙‿⊙✿)
Question! How is it that the same men who blame women for “being attracted to assholes” want us to feel sorry for men who were “falsely accused” of things for custody and the like? Why aren’t you verbally abusing them about affiliating with assholes? Why are women always the butt of your vitriol?
Hint: Because you’re fucking misogynists.
If we’re assuming that the pretense that MRAs and ~humanists/egalitarians~ pose that feminists “hate men” is true, maybe they should start telling men — whether they subscribe to any of the aforementioned theories or not — to stop assaulting women who identify as feminists.
And I don’t want to here “give me sources!!!11!” You want sources? Start messaging feminists. Message every feminist on Tumblr you can find and ask them, if they are ok with giving out that information, if they’ve been assaulted by men for their beliefs. THAT’S your source. THAT’S what matters. This isn’t about who can outdo each other in a so-called battle of academia. It’s about asking everyday women about their experiences and fucking LISTENING TO THEM. It isn’t just about amassing the most “facts” as possible and throwing numbers and names at each other. It’s about the disempowered who may not necessarily get the chance to speak on a higher platform.
You want real reasons why feminism is still fucking valid? LISTEN TO WOMEN. ALL WOMEN. NOT JUST THE ONES WHO YOU AGREE WITH OR ARE TRYING TO EMBARRASS.
How come when a woman gets pregnant, conservatives say that she has to take responsibility because it was her own fault for “not being able to control her sexual urges,” yet scores of these same conservatives maintain rape is not a man’s fault because he “can’t control his sexual urges?”
Attn. misogynists: Literally the last fucking thing I care about is what men think about women.