In the Kingdom

Quiere cantar su alegria a mi tierra Mexicana

Posts tagged sad

2 notes

Music deserves quality speakers
you always said
before plugging in and
playing me songs you’d discovered
in treasure chests down south
with specks of gold dust stuck under your fingernails
as the singers strained for hours:
pay dirt

A deep hum vibrated into static
as you toiled with the cords beforehand
and it was that sound so indicative of what we were
I fear, my love, that as often as our souls touch
we’ll simply be that bellow before a vinyl whines to life
magnets with two negative currents, getting so close
then repulsed; you will never lie in my bed
or meet me for lunch when spring leaps from the ground,
we may never see each other in daylight when the strands of our hair
shine like that look in your eyes on clear evenings:
fallow

Filed under poetry poem writing sad ish

5 notes

Too depressed to move. It literally pains me to exert myself.

Still waiting on a prospective employer to give me a start date, all the while my self-deprecating thoughts tell me they are going to say they changed their minds. Honestly if they do, I’m going to give up. I fail at everything I try.

I miss a friend who used to live here. Before he left he said he would offer that I call him any time if I needed him, and now he’s gone. And even if he wasn’t, I’d probably never take him up on it solely based on the fact that if I called him every time I was sad, he’d spend half his day on the phone with me.

Days like this make me wonder if I’ll ever have a normal life. I’ve been single for seven years. I feel like I’m ready for a relationship—hell, I fell like I’ve BEEN ready for a relationship. I just wonder and worry about how my depression will factor in to the relationship. Will the first few months be candy and roses until the relationship loses its nuance, and I veer off course into this emotional train wreck that permanently and irreparably damages what I’ve forged with this person? Will I be too much to handle? Will I be abandoned again? I’ve never been in a relationship long enough to gauge this information. Not to mention I was so young when my last relationship ended, and I’ve changed so much as a person since then.

I honestly just feel worthless and describing my thoughts while using my phone to type is frustrating the hell out of me so I’ll just shut up now.

Filed under depression anxiety sad thoughts personal