In the Kingdom

The triumphs and travils of the little kingdom of Camelot

Posts tagged purity myth

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Tearing down slut shaming and the purity myth

Slut shaming - noun -  When a woman is accused of having too many sexual partners and is thereby called a “slut” or a “whore.” These terms imply that sex is unnatural and unacceptable while simultaneously dictating who is allowed to have it, with whom and how many times.

Slut shaming stems from a purity myth that women should remain virgins until they wed. It also makes the wild assumption that sex and relationships should be as the way the person using these words defines them. It implies that there is a singular and “correct” view about sex and relationships.

But, Megan! I don’t care who wants to have sex, but I start having a problem with it when “drunk bitches” get hog wild and sleep with whoever they happen to talk to that night!

While I agree that ANYONE who is sexually active should practice some level of care to avoid unwanted consequences, the fact is, you cannot control everyone’s sex lives. How is it any of your business who someone sleeps with while drunk unless it’s rape?

No, Megan. This is ridiculous! Sex should only be with someone you love while in a COMMITTED and SERIOUS relationship! Really, you should be married or ready to be married before you even THINK about it. What are you talking about!?

Let me tell you a story. I met a man a year ago. He was beautiful in all forms. He was attractive, breathtakingly intelligent and a great aspiring journalist with ambition and drive. He was going places. And I was taken with him.

So you know what I did? When the opportunity came up, I had sex with him. It was my first time and I was 21 years old.

He was not my boyfriend.
I was not necessarily “in love” with him.
I was not drunk.
We were safe.

So we had sex many more times.

He is still not my boyfriend.
I was not drunk at any time.
I still wouldn’t say I’m “in love” with him.
We were safe every time. 

And you know what? I am happy with my decision. I regret nothing about it. Know why? Because while we weren’t in a traditional relationship, I CARED about him. I cared a lot about him and still do, regardless of whether or not we ever get into an actual relationship and regardless if I ever say I’m in love with him.

And the next time I have sex, whether it be with him or someone else, I will care about them. I will have sex because I think it is appropriate, whether I’ve known the guy for 10 years or 10 days.

I had sex out of wedlock with someone who was not my boyfriend because I felt affection for him. If anything like that happens again, I wouldn’t change my actions. I am confident with MY decisions about MY body.

That does NOT make me a slut. So if you call me one, it hurts because it devalues me and makes it seem like I am not capable of making decisions about my sexual life. It takes away from the meaning and emotional connection I had with my sexual partner because it deems our experiences as “wrong,” “disgusting” or “sinful.” It was not. What he and I had was wonderful. So don’t you DARE think you have the right to define that to fit YOUR mold—a mold I do not fit.

I am NOT a slut. No woman is a slut. So don’t ever call any of us one. End of story.

Filed under slut shaming sex feminism sexism sluts sexual virginity purity whore virgin purity myth sexist feminist relationships