Posts tagged misogyny
Posts tagged misogyny
I guess I’m just putting this out in the universe so if I suddenly disappear, no one can say I didn’t “do enough” to stop it. I had a single conversation with a neighbor in the building Monday because he was talking to my roommate. I went outside later in the evening and he stopped me, talked to me and wanted to come over. I politely declined even as he pressed me about “how I felt about him.” He’s since come knocking on our door every single day. Sometimes he will ring our buzzer for three minutes. He will either start shouting my name or calling me “baby,” beseeching me to come out. Once he even pounded on my roommate’s wall to try to get someone to open up. I’m scared to leave the house and so are my roommates. I’m scared to be in the house alone, and if I think I hear him coming, I turn off all music, TV, what have you and tiptoe around the house. I’m afraid he won’t stop. I’m afraid he’ll hurt me if he ever comes across me again.
But feminism isn’t necessary, right? I should just take it as a compliment, right? This is why I take personal offense to anyone who suggests that “men have it just as bad” or that feminism is worthless or “full of angry bitches.” This is just a number on a long list of instances something like this has happened to me for literally nothing. Because I dared smile or make smalltalk with a man. Men don’t understand this pain. It doesn’t matter if they do these things or not. There’s just no way they could ever understand.
My apologies for thinking a lot about “misandry” lately, but I’m here to partially defend its necessity. Of course, misandry isn’t real, and in this dynamic I’d like to explain it’s no different. However, making men uncomfortable, hurting feelings and overall repulsing them with our arguments, statistics and causes is of the utmost importance not for the sheer sake of taking out our anger, but for correcting inappropriate, learned behaviors. Feminism is supposed to make men who don’t understand it feel disturbed. It is supposed to force them to evaluate what goes on in their own brains.
As for “you can’t fight hate with hate,” you are correct. But “misandry” isn’t done out of hate. It is retribution. Take for instance my two dogs, Ginger and Daisy. Ginger is a noble 10-year-old German shepherd and Daisy is a squirmy 2-year-old German shepherd. When Daisy was a puppy, she was rambunctious as could be expected and broke a lot of rules we had to teach her about. When Daisy broke the rules Ginger has already learned, Ginger would bite her. Now, Ginger knows not to bite. She knows that’s against the rules, too. But she also knew that Daisy needed to cooperate, and therefore broke one rule to enforce another. She demonstrated to her a powerful lesson: Actions have consequences, some more negative than others. If Ginger breaking the rules hurts Daisy, then Daisy breaking the rules hurts others, too.
Next time a woman, feminist or not, says something to you that makes you feel like she hates men, first question your own words. Think of yourselves in context. Are you perhaps the one who cast the first stone? Are you perhaps part of a larger problem? Try that first before trying to smash people in defense of your own ego. That said, Daisy eventually learned her lesson. Have you?
Here’s something that boggles me about men’s rights activism: Not only do most of its stances boil down to “anti-feminism” (notice it’s never labeled as pro-man), but who it chooses to defend is largely contingent on who agrees with them. Sure, it often blames “femininized” men on feminism, but it goes on to criticize men who behave like this and/or support feminism. Feminism has its enemies, and unfortunately some proponents of the opposition are women. However, in order for feminism to accomplish its goals, it believes its opponents who are women still deserve to reap the benefits of the cause. We may argue, but feminists often check other feminists on misogynistic tactics to undermine our opponents. Men’s rights activism willfully vilifies its opposers, even if they are men. Therefore, men’s rights activism is merely an attempt at a power shift, redistributing the power men already have to salvage an unjust system already in place.
Here’s the thing: Women not wanting to be around men is not misandry. If there’s any hint of seriousness in the statement, it’s typically supported by instances — isolated or lifelong — where men have hurt, violated, humiliated her and/or otherwise made her uncomfortable. Not because “boys r dum” or because they play video games or behave in some way that’s annoying.
This is what makes the reverse, “If I said I didn’t want to be around women, I’d be a sexist!” inherently ludicrous. Because if a man said a woman violated him or humiliated him in a way that made him feel stripped of his humanity, the general feminist population will — or at least should — be sympathetic. Trauma can be incredibly difficult to deal with, and everyone’s needs should be respected while they are recovering. The problem with the reverse is that the men who spout off about this aren’t implying that they should avoid women to avoid feeling triggered or otherwise pained. It’s because they don’t want women in their spaces because they are not on par with their standards, they are a nuisance and they do not feel they owe them that basic respect of allowing them to exist among them.
Sorry, being rejected by someone you were “in love with” or thinking women don’t understand you is not trauma. It is not sufficient enough reason to eschew womanhood and suggest that women sit behind some boundary when they are around you. And if you consider any of that trifling nonsense to be trauma, well — whose got the victim complex now?
It amazes me that men think women sports fans don’t know anything and are there for attention. I’ve heard WAY more men say dumb shit at games than women. Abolish fake sports guys 2k14.
Male opinions on how women should comport and present themselves are literally the last thing I care about. Even less than dog shit and roaches. I’d sooner campaign to save the subway rats before giving half a damn of what a man thinks of me. Fuck you, I don’t exist to please you. And at least rats can be cuddly.
“I’m so sick of whiny feminists! You’re only victims because you WANT to be!”
I will rip your eyes out of your fucking sockets. (⊙‿⊙✿)
Question! How is it that the same men who blame women for “being attracted to assholes” want us to feel sorry for men who were “falsely accused” of things for custody and the like? Why aren’t you verbally abusing them about affiliating with assholes? Why are women always the butt of your vitriol?
Hint: Because you’re fucking misogynists.
If we’re assuming that the pretense that MRAs and ~humanists/egalitarians~ pose that feminists “hate men” is true, maybe they should start telling men — whether they subscribe to any of the aforementioned theories or not — to stop assaulting women who identify as feminists.
And I don’t want to here “give me sources!!!11!” You want sources? Start messaging feminists. Message every feminist on Tumblr you can find and ask them, if they are ok with giving out that information, if they’ve been assaulted by men for their beliefs. THAT’S your source. THAT’S what matters. This isn’t about who can outdo each other in a so-called battle of academia. It’s about asking everyday women about their experiences and fucking LISTENING TO THEM. It isn’t just about amassing the most “facts” as possible and throwing numbers and names at each other. It’s about the disempowered who may not necessarily get the chance to speak on a higher platform.
You want real reasons why feminism is still fucking valid? LISTEN TO WOMEN. ALL WOMEN. NOT JUST THE ONES WHO YOU AGREE WITH OR ARE TRYING TO EMBARRASS.
How come when a woman gets pregnant, conservatives say that she has to take responsibility because it was her own fault for “not being able to control her sexual urges,” yet scores of these same conservatives maintain rape is not a man’s fault because he “can’t control his sexual urges?”