Posts tagged misogyny
Posts tagged misogyny
Alright here’s the thing: “Spoiling a man” should not inherently be wrong, but it gets problematic with the way it’s presented and viewed by society at large. Don’t feel ashamed when you meet a man you want to spoil. Spoiling is a sign of caring — parents “spoil” their children, grandparents “spoil” their grandchildren, people “spoil” their fucking dogs. A relationship is essentially finding someone you’d be happy to spoil for the rest of your life. The catch is that it must be mutual. Spoiling is not a fucking power dynamic and if anyone tries to feed it to you that way, shove them away and out of your life and start running. Ok thank you carry on.
Yes, it’s real. The New York Post tells women to “get over” street harassment. [source]
Sometimes I clean out my “other” folder on Facebook and find lovely little gems. The best part about this one? I’m not allowed to respond to it, and I can’t click on his profile, which leads me to the conclusion that he sent me this and immediately blocked me so I couldn’t find him. I sincerely hope the irony is not lost on him. Mucho amor to him for concluding that feminism is arrogant and feminists play victim while at the same time declaring that he knows what real equality is, complaining about his own victimization, then making it impossible to engage in discussion. Bravo, Chris Natale. Bravo.
Extra kudos for remembering to call me a cunt at the end.
It really bothers me when men laud scenes in films featuring violence against women as “cinematic masterpieces.” Their words may say film and art critique, but my mind only translates it as: “I think societal pressure means I can’t beat, harass, abuse or rape women, so I’ll just enjoy it on screen when I can use the excuse that it’s ‘only a movie’ to justify it.”
I think one of the scariest things about patriarchy is how men are taught to literally not care or bother to notice how a woman is feeling. Because you hear men say stuff like, “Well, it’s unfair to automatically make drunk sex rape! A woman could just regret fucking you, and you could be falsely accused!” or “If she started saying no, but ended up saying yes — because I swearsies I would’ve listened to her if she kept saying no — it’s not rape. That’s not fair. She wasn’t clear with me!” But the thing is, women DO make it obvious when they don’t want sexual relations with a man. Sometimes for her safety she will not be loud about it, but if you were listening, you would still be able to hear her say no. From the way she awkwardly smiles and doesn’t answer. To the way she just laughs nervously while trying to talk to other people. From the original “no.”
And that’s not to say a persistent man has never genuinely caught the interest of a woman who later did want to be his girlfriend or sleep with him. However, I must admit that even with the men who “seduced” me, they thought they were doing a fabulous job of getting my attention, but looking back, I’m certain they would have felt the same even if they weren’t. It’s not that it’s impossible for men to know what women are thinking. It’s that patriarchy taught them that it doesn’t matter. It is of no importance. That is horrifying.
I guess I’m just putting this out in the universe so if I suddenly disappear, no one can say I didn’t “do enough” to stop it. I had a single conversation with a neighbor in the building Monday because he was talking to my roommate. I went outside later in the evening and he stopped me, talked to me and wanted to come over. I politely declined even as he pressed me about “how I felt about him.” He’s since come knocking on our door every single day. Sometimes he will ring our buzzer for three minutes. He will either start shouting my name or calling me “baby,” beseeching me to come out. Once he even pounded on my roommate’s wall to try to get someone to open up. I’m scared to leave the house and so are my roommates. I’m scared to be in the house alone, and if I think I hear him coming, I turn off all music, TV, what have you and tiptoe around the house. I’m afraid he won’t stop. I’m afraid he’ll hurt me if he ever comes across me again.
But feminism isn’t necessary, right? I should just take it as a compliment, right? This is why I take personal offense to anyone who suggests that “men have it just as bad” or that feminism is worthless or “full of angry bitches.” This is just a number on a long list of instances something like this has happened to me for literally nothing. Because I dared smile or make smalltalk with a man. Men don’t understand this pain. It doesn’t matter if they do these things or not. There’s just no way they could ever understand.
My apologies for thinking a lot about “misandry” lately, but I’m here to partially defend its necessity. Of course, misandry isn’t real, and in this dynamic I’d like to explain it’s no different. However, making men uncomfortable, hurting feelings and overall repulsing them with our arguments, statistics and causes is of the utmost importance not for the sheer sake of taking out our anger, but for correcting inappropriate, learned behaviors. Feminism is supposed to make men who don’t understand it feel disturbed. It is supposed to force them to evaluate what goes on in their own brains.
As for “you can’t fight hate with hate,” you are correct. But “misandry” isn’t done out of hate. It is retribution. Take for instance my two dogs, Ginger and Daisy. Ginger is a noble 10-year-old German shepherd and Daisy is a squirmy 2-year-old German shepherd. When Daisy was a puppy, she was rambunctious as could be expected and broke a lot of rules we had to teach her about. When Daisy broke the rules Ginger has already learned, Ginger would bite her. Now, Ginger knows not to bite. She knows that’s against the rules, too. But she also knew that Daisy needed to cooperate, and therefore broke one rule to enforce another. She demonstrated to her a powerful lesson: Actions have consequences, some more negative than others. If Ginger breaking the rules hurts Daisy, then Daisy breaking the rules hurts others, too.
Next time a woman, feminist or not, says something to you that makes you feel like she hates men, first question your own words. Think of yourselves in context. Are you perhaps the one who cast the first stone? Are you perhaps part of a larger problem? Try that first before trying to smash people in defense of your own ego. That said, Daisy eventually learned her lesson. Have you?
Here’s something that boggles me about men’s rights activism: Not only do most of its stances boil down to “anti-feminism” (notice it’s never labeled as pro-man), but who it chooses to defend is largely contingent on who agrees with them. Sure, it often blames “femininized” men on feminism, but it goes on to criticize men who behave like this and/or support feminism. Feminism has its enemies, and unfortunately some proponents of the opposition are women. However, in order for feminism to accomplish its goals, it believes its opponents who are women still deserve to reap the benefits of the cause. We may argue, but feminists often check other feminists on misogynistic tactics to undermine our opponents. Men’s rights activism willfully vilifies its opposers, even if they are men. Therefore, men’s rights activism is merely an attempt at a power shift, redistributing the power men already have to salvage an unjust system already in place.
Here’s the thing: Women not wanting to be around men is not misandry. If there’s any hint of seriousness in the statement, it’s typically supported by instances — isolated or lifelong — where men have hurt, violated, humiliated her and/or otherwise made her uncomfortable. Not because “boys r dum” or because they play video games or behave in some way that’s annoying.
This is what makes the reverse, “If I said I didn’t want to be around women, I’d be a sexist!” inherently ludicrous. Because if a man said a woman violated him or humiliated him in a way that made him feel stripped of his humanity, the general feminist population will — or at least should — be sympathetic. Trauma can be incredibly difficult to deal with, and everyone’s needs should be respected while they are recovering. The problem with the reverse is that the men who spout off about this aren’t implying that they should avoid women to avoid feeling triggered or otherwise pained. It’s because they don’t want women in their spaces because they are not on par with their standards, they are a nuisance and they do not feel they owe them that basic respect of allowing them to exist among them.
Sorry, being rejected by someone you were “in love with” or thinking women don’t understand you is not trauma. It is not sufficient enough reason to eschew womanhood and suggest that women sit behind some boundary when they are around you. And if you consider any of that trifling nonsense to be trauma, well — whose got the victim complex now?
It amazes me that men think women sports fans don’t know anything and are there for attention. I’ve heard WAY more men say dumb shit at games than women. Abolish fake sports guys 2k14.