Posts tagged men

Who victim blame a woman for not being “tough enough” or “fighting back enough”

Who go on to laugh at a victim who is offended by his comments, as if to suggest they find her* pain funny

Who roll their eyes at harassment, rape, domestic abuse and murder statistics for women

are the first ones to cry “violence” when a woman says she oughta slap him or that he deserves to get beat up or mockingly says “kill all men.”

Yeah. Funny how that works.

1. Sex has consequences. If you were able enough to have sex, you could get somebody pregnant. You’re most likely experiencing ED if you’re older. If that’s the case, do you really think you should risk that at your age? There’s lots of consequences I’m sure you don’t want that could result from sex, so men should just deal with it and abstain.
2. The medication has side-effects. I can’t recall where I read a lot of this, but I know guys who permanently damaged their reproductive organs with Viagra. It’s better you just deal with this the natural way. ED doesn’t mean you can NEVER have sex, right? And what if one day you start trying to have kids again and you find out you’re infertile? Better think twice about that Viagra, boys!
3. Getting older is natural and beautiful. Why fight it? I know you’re uncomfortable now, but getting older is a wonderful thing! You can still find lots of joy in being older and you definitely don’t need all the things you used to have, including sex, to be happy. I know men can get depressed about being old, but it’s just that they don’t understand! Everyone should love being old, not try to mess with nature.
4. Some religions don’t allow tampering with the body. Your body is a temple and you shouldn’t mess with it. Using these drugs to help you have sex is soiling yourself.
5. You shouldn’t be so sex-crazed, anyway. What will women think if they find out? You’ll look pathetic, desperate and like you’re soooo horny that you’ll buy medicine just to make sure you’re still able to have sex.
6. Older dudes having sex is nasty. Don’t get me wrong. I love men. I respect a man’s choice when it comes to sex. But honestly, who wants to have sex with an older guy, anyway? Sorry I don’t have much of a basis to support this, but I just think it’s wrong. Maybe you should take ED as God or nature’s way of telling you not to screw anymore.
7. I’m drawing a parallel to birth control and abortion in case you couldn’t tell. Now everybody who has a problem with my decisions about my body can go away.

If you’re stupid enough to buy me a drink before asking if I’m interested in fucking/dating/speaking to you, then you deserve to lose your money on that gamble.

I’m not going to pretend this will last forever, that this goes for any feminist or ally, or that everyone should/will feel this way.

But what I will say is that sometimes when I get the chance to think, I feel so defeated.

I’m forever told that:

• “Women don’t get guys that way”
• “You shouldn’t approach a man like that”
• “He treated you that way because you got too unruly”
• “You’re too intimidating for a man”
• “You’re going to be lonely for the rest of your life”
• “Stop calling out the guys you like and they won’t run from you”

And this evening I just feel like I’ll never have any real guy friends or a boyfriend who truly respects me. I have so many guy friends, but I get so disappointed when some of them are misogynistic or treat me like I’m “one of the guys.” That is, they sometimes punch me on the shoulder (hard. I’m barely 125 lbs. I’m not as tough as I’d like to be), mock me, get aggressive, tell me I ask for what I get because they forget that although I am strong and identify with them (sometimes), I have my own gender identity. Being a feminist does not make me a man. It does not make me a lesbian—and speaking on that, even if I WAS  a lesbian, that does NOT make someone a man either. Lesbians are women. Period. But ultimately, it does not make me “one of them.” Saying: “If you want to be equal to us, you have to sleep in your bed” is bullshit. Feminism isn’t about blurring gender lines. It’s about respecting EVERYONE, gender and all.

And sometimes I interact with women I can’t relate with. They tell me I’m scary. They tell me I am clueless. They tell me to get used to being lonely and abused if I don’t change. I watch reality TV with some of them and the women they idolize, who are so loved and respected, make me feel like an outsider. I do not want to ever behave like them. I don’t see anything wrong with how they choose to act, but most of them are privileged white women who don’t necessarily have to fight for anything if they don’t want to. I can’t identify with them, but I feel pressured to conform to their standards of behavior in order to be liked.

And that’s a shame. Anyone, feminist or not, should have just as much a chance at being respected by their peers. No one should have to conform to the crap in magazines, reality TV, advertising, whatever to feel like they belong. And right now I just feel like no one could ever love me for who I am and accept my feminism. I’m always going to be the “feminazi bitch” men don’t want to be associated with. I am in my own world.

This will pass soon, but I think it’s important to share with other feminists or strong women who may not choose to identify with feminism that your fight may not be the easiest. You may feel unloved and excluded. You may want to give up. But never do. Because we’re all in this together.

And that’s my rant for tonight. Thank you.

Having guy problems. FUCK, I hate admitting this. Someone help me. Talk here.

Patriarchy is when you stop and realize all your best women friends have body-image problems and only maybe one or two of your guy friends do. And even with the guys, it’s not something they are worried sick about every day, forcing themselves to work out to be muscular/thin or depriving themselves of food because of it like the women.

(or says something sexist/misogynistic)

If you ask a woman for her number after just meeting her, say, at a party, at a bar, on public transit or some other passing location, please keep in mind that she may have felt pressured by you (even if you didn’t meant it) or thought you were nice enough, but didn’t want to hurt your feelings even though she didn’t really plan on seeing you again. Therefore, you should test out the situation. How? Try calling or texting AT MOST three times (and even that is PUSHING IT) on different days. If she doesn’t answer at all or suddenly stops answering without ever answering again, LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE.

She does not OWE you a date because you think she’s pretty or she gave you her number. This is not a green light for you to call and text every single day when she is clearly expressing NO interest in it. If a woman was doing that to YOU, you would be complaining to yor little bros that she’s a “psycho.” So knock it the fuck off.

And really, if you want a woman to give you her number with honesty, confidence and interest, stop acting like a wounded puppy when she tries to blow you off. Stop coming up with excuses for why she should do it. If she says no or is hesitant, the conversation is either OVER or needs to take a new direction. If she REALLY wants you to have her number, she won’t act surprised, stutter, mumble, ask questions, etc. She will say: “Sure, it’s…*insert number here.*” And honestly, if YOU want to put yourself out there that badly, why not willingly give her YOUR number and let her decide if she wants to talk to you again!? People really DO NOT understand how often women get harassed, threatened or even hurt or killed by crazy, entitled guys who are pissed that she won’t “put out.” That makes any such exchange with a man immediately seem dangerous to us. So instead of whining about how nice you are, why not actively try to make you interactions with women healthier and safer!?

OK, time for my weekly (bi-weekly?) rant.

I’ve been hearing a lot of garbage about women being privileged because they get waitressing jobs and better tips than men because they are favorable. Often, women point out that this is due to objectification—scummy people see an attractive female and give her money as a way to say “baby, you’re sexy” instead of “thank you. you provided me with excellent service.”

It might seem fun to men and men often claim it is fun—saying their need for tips overrides “whining about objectification.” Well, guys, the thing of it is that when a woman gets an extra few bucks for having a nice ass, chances are this is not the first bout of random harassment and objectification she will get all day and not the last.

Objectification of women isn’t something that happens suddenly on a random day. It starts early. Way early. So when women get to a certain age, they are so beyond sick of getting street harassment, knowing their tips are because of their boobs and not their service, being followed by strangers, aggressive flirting when they go out, etc, that it’s not just some casual complaint women throw out there for attention. It’s serious, happens multiple times a day for ANY woman (I don’t care if you see someone you think is “not even hot,” there are tons of men harassing her daily) and is really defeating.

When a woman complains about objectification, she is at a point in her life where it’s happened SO MUCH that she can’t stand it anymore. She can’t comfort herself by saying it’s just because she’s attractive anymore. She can’t ignore it anymore. She can’t tell any more guys to fuck off anymore. She just can’t fucking stand it.

So you may be wondering, well what IS this whole thing with objectification, anyway? When does it even happen? Why? How?

Well, I’ll tell you in the best way that I can (TRIGGER WARNING: abuse, sexual harassment, attempted rape):

Objectification is when I used to sit with my legs open and my mom would tell me “you have to sit with your legs closed now. Bad men like to look at girls there” when I was 10 years old.

Objectification is my mom grabbing me by the arm and pulling me to her other side while a random guy standing next to me runs out the door because he knows she caught him staring at my breasts when I was 12 years old.

Objectification is my mom knowing it was imperative to have talks with me about being safe around strange men when I hit puberty because she had been through the same thing.

Objectification is my best friend and I running home crying because some older guys were following us in their car when we were 15 years old.

Objectification was that time between 16 and 18 when guys at my high school would message me asking for pictures of my breasts. This never stopped until I was out of high school no matter how many times I said no.

Objectification is when I was naive enough to believe that some guy messaged me on the Internet just to be friends (circa 16 years old) and then realizing I had to stop speaking to them all because they were only trying to have sex with me.

Objectification is having a grown man touch me with his penis from behind at a concert when I was 17.

Objectification is hiding in the conference room of my newsroom until someone else showed up when I was 18 because a staff writer kept following me around and trying to grope me.

Objectification is having my ass grabbed by a random stranger at a pet store when I was 19. All I was doing was looking at pet toys for my dogs.

Objectification is being pinned down and begged to have sex with this guy when I was 21.

Objectification is having my head slammed into a bar and being threatened to be raped if I couldn’t give someone “at least one good reason” not to sleep with him just four months ago.

Objectification is that guy at the bar Thursday night who thought it was OK to pinch my ass just because I was talking to him about music.

Objectification is a list so long for ANY woman that it would take you months to read it.

So no, I’m not whining. Objectification is real and starts for all women when they are way too young and vulnerable to defend themselves. It continues forever and the only reason people “suddenly” start talking about it is because they get to an age where they realize what’s happening to them and it makes them fucking sick. And it should make you sick, too. So why don’t all you idiots who think being objectified would make your life easier stop whining that you don’t get the “privilege” of living your life forever on guard and always slightly afraid. You have it pretty easy, buddy. Step off.