In the Kingdom

Quiere cantar su alegria a mi tierra Mexicana

Posts tagged feminism

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Alright here’s the thing: “Spoiling a man” should not inherently be wrong, but it gets problematic with the way it’s presented and viewed by society at large. Don’t feel ashamed when you meet a man you want to spoil. Spoiling is a sign of caring — parents “spoil” their children, grandparents “spoil” their grandchildren, people “spoil” their fucking dogs. A relationship is essentially finding someone you’d be happy to spoil for the rest of your life. The catch is that it must be mutual. Spoiling is not a fucking power dynamic and if anyone tries to feed it to you that way, shove them away and out of your life and start running. Ok thank you carry on.

Filed under relationships feminism misogyny

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Here’s my problem with allies: My investment in social issues is a lifestyle. I went through hell and back destroying all the harmful things I absorbed, had a self-revolution where I battled and was bloodied, changed my ways to protect myself and lift up those like me in my community. To this day I get depressed and confused and angry about what I lost, what keeps being taken from me and my effort to rebuild.

For you, it’s dinner party conversation.

Filed under racism feminism allies white people sj

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IMPORTANT: So they had these cards in the women’s restrooms at this doctor’s office that I was at. I’m really happy that they put them in there because it makes it easier for a woman to escape an abusive relationship without the abuser expecting anything. It gives me hope when I see things like this.

Oh yes, because women are never abusers.

I never said that they can’t/ aren’t. I’m well aware that some women are. I was just trying to talk about a positive thing that I found in a restroom. Don’t turn my post into something that it’s not. God fucking damn it, it’s like you can’t talk about something positive on this site without someone trying to ruin it or twist the original posters words.

Thank you so much for the positive post, and the VERY true words at the asshole commenting on your post. This is the exact reason why I don’t like this website sometimes. Christ.

If you have to qualify Situation A with “but Situation B happens, too,” do you actually give a shit about Situation B? Or are you looking for ways to derail Situation A?

^

40% of domestic violence is experienced by men, do you suppose they also put these cards in the men’s restroom?

Wouldn’t seeing these cards in the restroom alert abusers that there were probably the same cards in the other gender restroom, possibly making them more violent and cutting off their partner even more from resources that could help them?

This seems ill thought out. Unless, of course, they are only in the women’s restroom. In which case they are ignoring 40% of domestic violence victims. I wonder why.

getting really tired of this 40% myth and how frequently everyone scrambles to believe it because they want to look reasonable and fair.

While some people may believe that there is a higher reported incidence of women experiencing violence by their male partners due to men underreporting when they are victims, the reality is the opposite. In 2008, 72 percent of the intimate partner violence against males and 49 percent of the intimate partner violence against females was reported to police.Catalano, Smith, Snyder, & Rand (2009). Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Female Victims of Domestic Violence. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, NCJ 228356.

Researcher Elspeth McInnes…  recounts some of her research that showed that when men talked about women’s violence against men, some cited abuse as not having a hot meal on the table, not having the children bathed before bed, or women spending money on gambling or shopping. At the more severe end of the spectrum, they nominated verbal and emotional violence as abuse. Then, a tiny minority documented physical abuse, and an even smaller minority named sexual abuse. 

“Women were talking about being run over, being drugged and raped at knifepoint, having their children dangled over high rise balconies till they did as they were told and of course you get verbal and emotional violence,” says McInnes. “When we were talking about physical violence against men, one of the worst examples was that she banged his head with the cupboard door – which isn’t good – but the sheer level of fear, harm and terror that women talked about was simply not present in what the men’s data showed.” 

The vast majority of domestic assaults are committed by men. Even when men are victimized, 10% are assaulted by another man. In contrast, only 2% of women who are victimized are assaulted by another woman.2

Two studies have found that at least 40% of police officer families experience domestic violence, (1, 2) in contrast to 10% of families in the general population.(3) A third study of older and more experienced officers found a rate of 24% (4), indicating that domestic violence is 2-4 times more common among police families than American families in general.

in conclusion while domestic abuse hotlines in men’s bathrooms would be great too, women are the majority of victims of violent, life-threatening domestic abuse by a lot more than 40%, and men are still the majority of perpetrators of violent, life threatening domestic abuse, even to other men and boys. this is not a remotely equivalent situation.

using abused men and boys to prop up the myth that women abuse men right back nearly as much is toxic, abhorrent nonsense. we need to cut it the fuck out. 

Thank god somebody debunked the 40% myth. 

(via w-indigo-vertigo)

Filed under feminism

112 notes

I gotta laugh at lifers who call me heartless for not feeling anything about those “choose life” videos where the chick is all crying because she’s ~so happy~ she had a baby. Know why I don’t give a fuck? Because it’s not my life. I am not that woman. What she wants to do with her life has NOTHING to do with me. Just like someone’s abortion has nothing to do with you and your shitty video. Get it?

Filed under abortion feminism pro choice pro life

309 notes

Can we PLEASE stop idealizing and overly-romanticizing having a baby? Babies and reproduction are more complicated than little blessings from heaven. Taking care of a baby isn’t only joy and fantasy and love. That shit is the real deal. It requires money, time, patience, commitment — some things some people just aren’t in the place to give to someone else. You are alive right now, so you have a great perception of life. And if you happen to be someone who is trying for a baby, you’re probably in a good place to have one, so your views on living are better than most people. I literally do not understand folks who think ~life~ is the only requisite for a baby to be born. “At least it would have a life” is so bogus. Babies aren’t pets. They are humans with feelings and needs. When you can’t feed or be there for your toddler, what are you going to say? “At least you’re alive lol.” Yeah, no. Doesn’t work that way.

Filed under abortion feminism

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Sometimes I clean out my “other” folder on Facebook and find lovely little gems. The best part about this one? I’m not allowed to respond to it, and I can’t click on his profile, which leads me to the conclusion that he sent me this and immediately blocked me so I couldn’t find him. I sincerely hope the irony is not lost on him. Mucho amor to him for concluding that feminism is arrogant and feminists play victim while at the same time declaring that he knows what real equality is, complaining about his own victimization, then making it impossible to engage in discussion. Bravo, Chris Natale. Bravo.
Extra kudos for remembering to call me a cunt at the end.

Sometimes I clean out my “other” folder on Facebook and find lovely little gems. The best part about this one? I’m not allowed to respond to it, and I can’t click on his profile, which leads me to the conclusion that he sent me this and immediately blocked me so I couldn’t find him. I sincerely hope the irony is not lost on him. Mucho amor to him for concluding that feminism is arrogant and feminists play victim while at the same time declaring that he knows what real equality is, complaining about his own victimization, then making it impossible to engage in discussion. Bravo, Chris Natale. Bravo.

Extra kudos for remembering to call me a cunt at the end.

Filed under feminism sexism misandry misogyny public shaming

27 notes

My biggest issue with “if you want equal rights, why can’t I hit you?” isn’t just that it normalizes violence and puts an unsettling focus on the ability to continue being violent to women, but that its completely wipes out consent from the equation. People like to argue that men hit one another from time to time during fights, but fail to recognize that fights are, typically, consensual. And when they’re not, they’re more frowned upon than a consensual fight. You’re literally confused that women don’t want to be struck suddenly, without even the slightest awareness that the situation was going to get violent? Really? As if women aren’t already disproportionately victims of violent crime, but hitting a woman because you’re angry with her is not the same is an escalated conflict with another man (or anyone, really) in which the person was preparing for or had an inkling that violence might ensue. The concern with being allowed to hit women doesn’t come from a deep fear or a potential necessity for self-defense. It comes from a desire to make violence against women consumable. And that’s disturbing.

Filed under feminism feminist domestic violence tw men's rights