Posts tagged dating

Good thing purring isn’t a natural reaction to happiness for me like it is for cats. I’m already awkward as fuck. I’d never get a boyfriend if I purred.

I’m getting really sick of people who say they’re not attracted to black people or Latin@s or Indian people or anyone with brown skin. I especially get annoyed when that person becomes indignant when someone suggests they’re racist.

We’ve all heard the excuse: “Omg! I can’t help what I like!” or “I’m not going to be sorry for what I prefer! Only I get to choose who I will date!”

Listen. No one is trying to chew you out for your tastes. No one’s insisting that you date someone who you don’t find attractive. It’s true that you are entitled to liking what you want. It’s true that you can’t necessarily be faulted for seeing a brown-skinned person and not being attracted to them. Really—date whoever you want.

But excuse me for raising an eyebrow when you GO OUT OF YOUR WAY to say you aren’t attracted to people of a certain race or whose skin tones are similar to mine.

(or says something sexist/misogynistic)

If you ask a woman for her number after just meeting her, say, at a party, at a bar, on public transit or some other passing location, please keep in mind that she may have felt pressured by you (even if you didn’t meant it) or thought you were nice enough, but didn’t want to hurt your feelings even though she didn’t really plan on seeing you again. Therefore, you should test out the situation. How? Try calling or texting AT MOST three times (and even that is PUSHING IT) on different days. If she doesn’t answer at all or suddenly stops answering without ever answering again, LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE.

She does not OWE you a date because you think she’s pretty or she gave you her number. This is not a green light for you to call and text every single day when she is clearly expressing NO interest in it. If a woman was doing that to YOU, you would be complaining to yor little bros that she’s a “psycho.” So knock it the fuck off.

And really, if you want a woman to give you her number with honesty, confidence and interest, stop acting like a wounded puppy when she tries to blow you off. Stop coming up with excuses for why she should do it. If she says no or is hesitant, the conversation is either OVER or needs to take a new direction. If she REALLY wants you to have her number, she won’t act surprised, stutter, mumble, ask questions, etc. She will say: “Sure, it’s…*insert number here.*” And honestly, if YOU want to put yourself out there that badly, why not willingly give her YOUR number and let her decide if she wants to talk to you again!? People really DO NOT understand how often women get harassed, threatened or even hurt or killed by crazy, entitled guys who are pissed that she won’t “put out.” That makes any such exchange with a man immediately seem dangerous to us. So instead of whining about how nice you are, why not actively try to make you interactions with women healthier and safer!?

Sorry I…

• Drag race
• Drink crazy amounts of whiskey
• Got into an Ivy League grad school
• Am a crazy hockey (and football and baseball and basketball) fan
• Cuss like a fucking sailor
• Aspire to be an ass-kicking foreign correspondent for a major newspaper
• Am moving to NY on my own
• Smoke a lot of weed
• Play video games
• Will absolutely OWN your ass when it comes to nerd trivia
• Read more than you do
• Have a large vocabulary
• Write in my spare time
• Give good head (according to those who I’ve pleasured)
• Openly/proudly admit I’m not a virgin
• I’m an aggressive feminist
• Plan on getting lots of tattoos
• Like mosh pits
• Will call you and anyone out on their bullshit

But I’m more sorry that many of you cannot appreciate women like me. I’m sorry you think “masculinity” in a woman is scary. Want to know something? Being afraid of tough women and rejecting them doesn’t make you look tough. Fighting tough with tough out of fear is cowardly and makes you look like a jackass. Sorry you feel like you can’t be the fabled “knight in shining armor” for me and many of the badass chicks I know, but it’s time to get over that delusion that you need to save your lover. Instead, why not learn how to stop being afraid and choosing the easy way out? You don’t look manly doing this and you’re passing up a lot of hardcore, inspiring women because of this misogyny crap.

My deepest sympathies for your patriarchal fuckery,
Megan

what they really want is a gal who will sit down, be fucking quiet, not be a feminist, not do anything that *might* emasculate them (especially in public), pretends to not have sexual needs, hates other women for “not respecting themselves,” doesn’t have opinions or will change them to fit his and thinks everything he does is fascinating because she has little to no life experience.

Sorry, I’m just sick of men who want to have little, “innocent” fairies as girlfriends and then claim not to be susceptible to sexist rhetoric in our society. Women are not here for you to cradle like a baby. If you think for one second that having someone to parade around like a toy is better than MEANINGFUL conversation, than being CHALLENGED by the person you care about, than SHARING differences and learning to NOT be afraid of these differences—then you need to spend some time on a quiet, deserted island and think about how fucking pathetic you’re being. That is all.

We’ve heard it before, women. The classic example of an overbearing, entitled man pressuring you into hanging out, seeing him or otherwise complying with a want of his immediately followed by “oh, but only if you want to” or “I’m not trying to make you” or “it’s your choice, really.”

The reality is, no. It’s not your choice.

Now, I’m not saying that the slightly yellowed, nervous guys are the ones doing this. There’s a difference between “I’m freaking out right now so I’m covering my intentions to make it look like I’m not weird” and “I’m pretending to not give a fuck about what you choose, but I’m still going to be pissed if you say no.”

There’s one man who always does this to me. I talked to him about cars at a bar once and consequently exchanged numbers with him, as he suggested that it was for “talking about cars.” What a dumb thing to believe. Next thing I know, every time he sees me, he asks why I don’t call him, why I don’t answer his boorish texts asking to go drink.

On top of that, every once in a while, he makes a weak attempt to ask me out, which he immediately follows with: “I’m just offering. It’s up to you.” When I ignore these advances, he later throws it in my face, citing the fact that “we talked all night last night at the bar” (we didn’t) and “after all the compliments he gave, I ignored him,” etc as reason to be upset. Obviously, he’s also citing these as reasons for why I’m a bitch for not going out with him.

Here we see that some men will often throw up the “I don’t care about your feelings” veil, which already fails to see the woman as a person. And when alienating someone’s feelings doesn’t work, they take it further—discrediting and condemning someone’s feelings. This is just one thing in a series of entanglements involved in “man/woman”* dating and interaction that ultimately places blame and responsibility on the woman, who simultaneously is not allowed to have feelings except for those of submission to the man.

That said, I have created a list of things that don’t mean a woman MUST go out with you:

A woman is NOT REQUIRED to go out with you if:

• She talks to you, no matter how long, even if you just met
• She thinks you’re funny
• She’s attractive
• You’re attractive
• She hugs you/kisses you
• She likes the same things you do
• You have her phone number
• You’ve liked her for a while
• She sleeps with you
• You say nice things you her
• You’re a “nice guy”
• She told you she was looking for a boyfriend
• You ask her out once
• You are her out 1 million times
• She seems to be interested in a lot of guys

The list goes on, but I’ll spare you.

This is the part where people say, “but guys get into crappy situations like this, too!” or “not everyone does this!” That brings me to my next point.

I mean, haven’t men ever been upset that they just wanted to sleep with a woman, but she was pushing him for more? It’s the same concept, guys. Except is happens to us ALL THE TIME even by people we barely know.

Therein lies the difference. We live in a world where many men (reminder: You don’t live in a vacuum by yourself) believe it is OK to keep pushing a woman to go out with them even if she says no. We live in a world where many men think women are “bitches” for saying no instead of dropping it and moving on. We live in a world where men stalk, abuse and rape women who do not comply with their sexual/romantic desires. How many women do you know who would do any of this? And if you know anywhere between one and 500,000 of them, is their behavior not shunned? Don’t people call these girls sluts and whores or bitches?

If that’s the case, then excuse me while I call bullshit on guys who think using hokey excuses like “but whatever, it’s up to you.” It’s hardly ever up to us. I want every asshole who actually does this to admit that in the end, it’s up to them. Because if they don’t get their way, she’s going to be labeled a dumb bitch and all his fucking friends will probably by this guy a pint to “forget about that cunt.”

No. Fuck that. How about we forget about these insincere assholes and stop letting them dictate which women are worthy based on what they think is best for their penis?